And you thought YOU were opinionated. "Unless, in a stroke of true, 3-dimensional-chess-playing brilliance, Goldman has created a brand that hipsters will embrace precisely because it’s marketed to them, and is therefore so lame it becomes cool again. 'Oh look at me, I’m drinking Kansas Whiskey, because I’m so totally a hipster.' But something tells me he’s not that smart. Something tells me that if he were here, I’d pour us both a tumbler of Michter’s and he’d tell me all about how his wife never lets him do anything fun, and always makes him dress up in a hoodie and skinny jeans before she’ll so much as give him a peck on the cheek. And I’d listen like a good friend should. And suggest we go up on my roof deck where the view is better and point out the hill you can see if you stand right up on the corner parapet, where my father gave me some very important words of advice. 'Son, women are the single best thing in all this blue, beautiful world. But never let 'em tell you what to drink.' Then I’d shove him off into space and out of his misery. Hush now Paul, the hard part’s over. You’re going where she can’t hurt you any more."
This kind of stuff is fun to read, but its defamations are rather personal. Did Dan Dunn even try Kansas Whiskey, or is he just pissed off (pissed... off?) about marketing? MARKETING. Shoot, I'd love to hear his opinion on the primary ingredient of Bernheim's Wheat Whiskey! "To achieve the desired non-whiskeyness in Kansas Whiskey, Goldman and the team at FAB harvest amber winter wheat, a lighter grain than the corn, rye and barley used to make most other American whiskies. Then they distill in column versus traditional pot stills, resulting in a spirit that is 'flawlessly smooth.' Or, as it's also known in the business, 'vodka.' They marry the final distillate with 'premium artisanal whiskey' and – voilà – whiskey-flavored vodka. Let’s do some shots and turn Branson upside down!" I'm going to safely assume that "The Imbiber" has never heard of Maker's Mark either.
I saw Kansas Whiskey on the local shelves when I first moved out here to what the author rudely dismisses as flyover country. I have yet to try the whiskey to see if it deserves this hyperbolic level of snitticism. On the flipside, I'm sure I'd love to hear Mr. Dunn's expert, evolved opinion on the delicious Templeton Rye they sell 'round these parts. That's Templeton, Iowa, producer of Al Capone's favorite whiskey. But by all means, keep mouthing off in cyberspace about how you want to shove some guy off your roof just because he markets his whiskey differently. That kind of stuff worked out great for Justin Carter.
"I don't know what to do, Godfather." (snivel, sniff)
YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN! (slap)
And seriously, leave the guy's wife out of it. But I guess your father never told you that (smh).
Turns out that there is indeed a BuzzFeed... feed?... about whiskey. It's terrible. You're telling me this is the best anyone can come up with? Like I care about Jack Donaghy's Six Sigma emphatuation, and No. 8 is just absurd! In response, I'm proposing my own list (complete with links) of just 7 simple reasons to drink whiskey that don't have anything to do with ridiculous pop culture:
- It will improve your language and your culture.
- Bottle design is pure art.
- Even whiskey byproducts are as valuable as gold.
- A unit of whiskey has the coolest name ever.
- A study of peat reveals harmonic resonance (sadly, not an homage to Half Life).
- People don't bring their favorite tequilas to the summit of Mount Everest.
- No other spirit has done more to promote the science of glassware, it's that complex.
You're welcome :-)
News and Reviews
All of you chomping at the bit to know what was inside Glenlivet's Alpha have finally had your patience rewarded. What an interesting one that was!
All my shippies in Virginia, you've got some fun distillery stuff happening near you. 'Bout time, amirite?? I personally would love to have a whiskey aged in Williamsburg Winery's ex-Trianon casks. Make it happen, VDC.
Beware the vaportini. Also, WHY?!
Great, summer's upon us and NOW you know.
It's even crazier if you narrow it down to craft distillers. Who says I can't post an article about beer? Damn straight; all whiskey starts as beer anyway. We just need to make them an offer they can't refuse...
Unlike that Kansas Whiskey piece above, Cleveland Whiskey really is terrible. So the operative question here (for the willing investigative journalist) is how much it costs an independent distiller to commission a puff piece.
io9 kickstarts your road to bulimia. Good LORD. (warning: incredibly disturbing)
Perhaps the end really is near. :-( But at least we'll still have Gin Wigmore.