Popular Science has an amazing article about those marvelous organisms that make this entire whisky affair possible: 

Whisky companies (I'm most familiar with the work of Seagrams) pour millions of dollars a year into research behind proprietary yeast strains and their effect on fermentation and flavor. Four Roses' four-letter recipe codes (there are 10 proprietary recipes at the distillery; ex. OBSV would be one recipe) all end with a letter that designates the yeast's contribution to the mash (either V, K, O, Q, or F). When the recipes are tasted separately, they reveal distinct differences in each bourbon's style and body. Beer brewers have known for years that yeast was the "brewer's best friend"; it seems that master distillers may soon be coming to the same conclusion.

Suntory (great Japanese whisky makers) created quite a stir early this year when they announced their acquisition of Jim Beam (American bourbon icon).  Predictably, the move brought about a rash of ignorant comments from interweb warriors. The spectacle was unfortunate, since the merger is really a win-win for both sides. Japan gets access to great American bourbon (which continues to represent a single digit percentage of all whisky consumed in Japan), and our bourbon gets access to new markets and new converts. It will only make the Jim Beam brand stronger, and it's unlikely Jim Beam's daily operation will change much, if at all.  

There's a good (if short) track record of Japanese management of American brands. In 2002 Kirin purchased Four Roses bourbon as part of a realignment of Seagrams' portfolio, and it turned the brand from a bottom shelf also-ran into an elite player at the top of its industry. Four Roses' single barrel bottlings are now consistently my most recommended bourbon purchases, right alongside products from Heaven Hill. What's more, it's not like a move to Jack Daniels is going to make you feel any better. They're owned by beverage giant Diageo, a British company. This is just how international distribution in the whisky boom works now, friends. If you really like small and local, find thee a craft distillery! There's plenty to choose from nowadays.

I'm coming around to Canadian grain whisky. It really has been getting an unfair rap for the last few decades. Still, they can only blame themselves. You can't rest on your laurels during a disruptive whisky boom. 

There are lots of online whisky auctions popping up in recent months. You'd better be REAL sure you're not getting duped.

Also, regarding rye: been sayin'.

[And now you will know why I write about whisky instead of blogging for Rotten Tomatoes.]

I have a lot of good things to say about The Angel's Share, a heart-felt and well-paced Scottish drama about whisky, mild shenanigans, redemption, and persevering through adversity. My wife and I rented it through iTunes, but I understand it's now available on Netflix and a host of other digital distribution sources. It's not a whisky documentary, it's a drama with plenty of unemployed millennial street-kid angst and cussing (hey, they're Scots, deal with it). The subtitles are actually totally necessary, unless you're a native. Check it out sometime (but earmuffs for the kids). I started drooling when they brought out the 35 yo Springbank.

If you've read my recent review of Nikka's 15 yo Japanese single malt, then you may be interested in this documentary about Nikka founder (and Japanese whisky industry co-founder) Masataka Taketsuru's wife: "the Scot behind Japanese whisky." There's a rich and wonderful history here, told alongside a beautiful romance.

Finally: it's tough to beat out Bruichladdich when it comes to pairing whisky zeitgeist with cinematography. This is just gorgeous...

We now know that ambience affects whisky flavor, because science. Say that word with me again... ambience. :-)

By now we've put lots of thought into how the grain, the yeast, the fermentation time, the design of the still, the wood, the maturation time, the finish, and the ambience all contribute to whisky flavor. I thought it was particularly interesting to add warehouse design to the list of variables.

I generally feel that whisky is less susceptible to the sorts of psychological marketing gimmicks that haunt wine-buyers. On second thought... never mind.

Science finally does something useful by bringing you the iPhone-controlled micro-brewery. If only the law would accommodate iPhone-controlled micro-stills... 

In case you didn't already know that whisky could come in "vintages" (Balblair isn't always easy to find, depending on your distributor network), now you do.

Glenmorangie's Cask Master's Project (an attempt to crowd-source the company's next Private Edition release) nailed down the finishing touches on Taghta last year. So this year's Private Edition release... was not Taghta. Companta was the burgundy-finished cask series that formed one of three finishing choices in last year's Cask Master's Project (and was actually my second favorite, Taghta - a Manzanilla finish - was my third; I have personally tasted all 3 expressions). So... I can comfortably predict you will now see all three of these finishes released as Private Editions in the next few years (SIGH). Taghta, wherever you are, you were a brilliant marketing stunt. So much so that the Glenlivet is now following suit.   Wake me up when the Bordeaux finish arrives (for what it's worth, a friend has already acquired a bottle of Companta and enjoys it thoroughly).

The Antipode: cool name, cool coffee.

Holy Grain Spirits, Batman! It really is fantastic cave vodka (HUGE vanilla hit). I'm very sad to hear that they're following the micro-barrel craze with their whisky maturation. Still, I'm trying to work out a personal distillery tour and see what it's all about before we move away from KC this summer.

A counter-point to that Canadian whisky article: whisky water may not make a huge difference before distillation, but think about the water you're using after.  I personally will not spend extra money for source water. Talk about obnoxious. 

I love barrel-aged gin, but barrel-aged sriracha? Hokay.

Jim Beam continues whiskey's sorry descent into flavored obscurity. This was before the Suntory acquisition, BTW.

Quote: "Whiskey, like a beautiful woman, demands appreciation. You gaze first, then it's time to drink." - Haruki Murakami

Just so you know, this is currently a one-man blog dedicated to personal passions and priorities. I don't get paid to write anything in this space, and I don't accept bribes to promote products. Occasionally I'll get industry professionals "on the record" or tap a friend's / associate's brain to give the readers some extra pearls of wisdom; otherwise, I do the footwork and the research. 

Except this time - this time I'm writing about a special find that came as a birthday gift! In one fell swoop it dramatically simplified the jumbled contents of my liquor cabinet, and since we're all into the best things I thought I'd share. Introducing...
                                                                 THIS THING

If you're a sucker for gadgets like me, you're going to love this. It's called Bar10der (OH HO ho ho.... heh.... he... ahem), and yes, it comes in other iPod colors. Aside from a good shaker (and for the record, I recommend utilizing a Boston shaker over shakers with a built-in strainer - something I'll include in a later mixology topic) it's pretty much got everything you need in terms of bar/mixology tools. I'm also pleased to say that it's sturdy, solid, and definitely gets the job done. If it weren't, I wouldn't be giving this thing it's own blog post.

So check it, this thing's got slip-proof grips (a really nice touch actually) and is well-balanced in the hand for multi-disciplinary cocktail work. Where the liquid meets the glass, it's basically 10 tools in one:

1. Corkscrew - the weakest addition, but it's there; I still prefer my waiter's corkscrew.
   
2. Bottle Opener - pretty straight forward.
   
3. Knife - quite scary looking actually, and sharp.
   
4. Zester/Channel Knife - for zesting the  rind or peeling it off in cocktails.
   
5. Stirring Rod - it folds out all ninja style, and it doesn't collapse when stirring.
   
6. Strainer - when you want the cold without the ice.
   
7. Jigger - I know hipsters insist on the science, but great mixology allows for the wisdom of eye-pours and the serendipitous meeting of elixirs and chaos theory. Still, to each his/her own.
   
8. Muddler - when you're trying to teach your kids proper muddling style so they don't embarrass themselves at college.
   
9. Reamer - kind of on the muddler, but you can always hollow the fruit out when you don't want to muddle it.

This isn't plasticky or eye-candy - it's a real tool meant for real use with fold-out accessories that are well set and well designed. Happy to recommend it for the aspiring zen masters out there.

(What... the actual... f***?)
Okay

Sometimes it's hard work scouting out places that sell the things we talk about. After all, many liquor stores (sadly, especially the state-owned ones) are content to provide only the bare basics, as if collecting, acquiring, and intensely savoring unique spirits was something no reasonable citizen would aspire to. Well, nuts to that! This Friday's Finest is our Liquor Online edition, the place where we reveal the secrets of internet liquor sleuthing and acquisition. At Cereal Alchemist we salute hard-working men and women, and although not all of us aspire to be "collectors" of fine spirits, we believe that everyone deserves the finest dram on the evening of their victory. 

Take a look at the map above. If your state is red (and I don't mean a "red state" politically, though many if not most of these are) then this post is going to be a bit of a let-down for you. That's because these states' laws prohibit the shipping of alcohol to your residence. I know, it sucks. But it's getting better with the help of movements like Free the Grapes! The bottom line is that - for at least America's near future - we still elect the government we deserve.  If you don't like the law, change how you vote and make sure you're not a low-information voter. After all, you read this blog! Individual responsibility is huge at Cereal Alchemist. It's the guerdon of a discerning, sophisticated adult; it doesn't come any other way.

For all you other-staters, this is your chance to branch out and get the world of fine spirits at your fingertips. Online retail is putting big box stores in the ground, and swift is the wind that brings similar tidings to comfy, monopolistic liquor franchises. I know how it is - there are many places in America where you don't live within an hour or four of a decent liquor store. It's time to make online shopping do your hard work for you and vote with your wallet.

Everything. I'm not kidding; from aged gins to independent bottlings to craft distillers and rare / exclusive releases, the interweb is shaking up spirit accessibility. It's a beautiful thing. You want that Tasmanian whisky you just tried at Whisky Live? It's out there. You need that aged gin that's marketed exclusively in New England? Hit me up, postman! You want that expression of Talisker that's only being marketed to Canadians? Your reach no longer exceeds your grasp. They'll call you "the spider," friend. Plus, there's always a special rush that comes when you hear the "Liquor Fairy" knocking on your door asking you to sign for delivery. Here's a photo collage of some of the best things I've acquired online over the past several months.

Don't get me wrong, the costs associated with shipping can be a deterrent for people who are looking for a value shopping experience. There are ways to get discounts (join a club or a rewards program), but sometimes the cost is worth getting something that you just can't get anywhere else.

Most people interested in ordering online start their search... online! I can tell that if you do a Google search right now you'll probably be able to find 30 "vendors" in no time flat. The hard part is finding a vendor that you can trust, who'll deliver quickly and professionally, who manages inventory well. I am frequently asked on this blog "Where do you buy your whiskey, man?" Well, lots of places. Probably a quarter of my collection has been found online; however, I've been screwed by several online vendors, so you have to be careful. After a great deal of popular demand, I'm ready to go "open kimono" here and post Cereal Alchemist's personal list of online recommendations. Many Bothans died to bring us this information:

Master of Malt - Not only do they have one of the best selections of world whisky of any online vendor I've come across, but they're an independent bottler to boot. MoM gets the product to you quickly and safely (their packaging is awesome) for about the same shipping cost as anywhere else. What's more, they carry about every other kind of spirit as well, and their selection never falters. It's not uncommon for MoM to get access to rare or limited releases from time to time, so check back frequently if they don't have your dream item in inventory at this moment. They often sell "try before you buy" samples of their whiskey, just in case you don't want to plunk down that much cash on something you're unsure about. They also have pretty sweet gift sample collections (Mrs. Alchemywife got me a rare Islay sampler for my birthday), and their "Whiskey Advent Calendar" (samples for every day of Christmas) is a holiday favorite.

K&L Wines - Based in New Jersey, K&L Wines have made a name for themselves in wine and spirits. When I can't find a spirit on Master of Malt, I always give K&L a try, and they usually have it. Having ordered from many established online vendors in the U.S., I can honestly say that K&L is the only one that has never given me a snag or a headache. Given that it only takes one bad experience to lose my business, K&L deserves kudos for earning my enthusiastic endorsement.

ForWhiskeyLovers - ForWhiskeyLovers is a small online community whose website is a bit rustic, but the beauty of the organization is your chance to earn "Flovers" through your membership (membership is free).  Flovers are basically reward points (fairly easy to accumulate with simple online activity - commenting on the blog, posting on the forum, uploading photos, etc.) that get you discounts on orders / shipping or free Glencairn glasses with your order. The online store isn't huge, but if they have what you want you can usually find it here for cheaper (and if you ask nicely, they can sometimes give you access to some pretty special stuff they don't advertise).

Caskers - a super slick website for the dedicated collector / enthusiast, I have yet to find an online vendor that offers so many independent / craft spirits for such a good price. There's a "membership" required (I just signed up with Facebook), but that membership opens the doors to a massive world of whiskies you never knew existed (and it's not just whiskies! - gin, tequila, vodka, rum is there too). Be sure to join one of their kick-ass collectors clubs to routinely have delicious craft spirit delivered to your door. 

Single Cask Nation - my independent bottler of choice, a subsidiary of the Jewish Whisky Company that sells all bottlings from their website. I instantly signed up for a SCN membership as soon as I tasted their whiskies at Whisky Live NYC. It was there that I met Joshua and Seth (founders - you may know Joshua from the famous blog Jewmalt), who are just all-round, pretty cool, whisky-lovin' guys; they refused to take my ticket and just kept pouring me samples! Membership in the Nation costs money, and I'm not even Jewish, but I was happy to sign up for access to what I consider to be amazing, one-of-a-kind whiskies. Their Arran Pinot Noir cask is just pure de-LUSH-us. So far SCN has bottled only Scotch whiskies (from some pretty amazing distilleries), but I happen to know from public record that they've got some bourbon in the works. I can't wait!

Happy trails to you this weekend! 

On the heels of my Four Corners Whisky Tasting (designed to explore the influence of wood on the spirit) - and before I open the gates to my Pentagon Tasting (an American tasting designed to explore the influence of grain) - comes the topic of maturation. When we say "maturation", we're referring to the way in which a spirit is aged in wooden barrels. As the Four Corners tasting shows, the type of wood (and the liquid it contained - if any - prior to the "first fill") is an enormous part of the color and flavor profile of all distilled spirits. There are nearly limitless ways to combine spirit and cask. What's astonishing to me is how much the pairing is still an act of provenance.

It is an inherently old-fashioned and romantic notion, the idea that a spirit and a cask could be destined for each other. Most master blenders wouldn't have it any other way. The choice to pair new-make spirit with, say, virgin American white oak or Buffalo Trace ex-bourbon or Oloroso sherry butts is a painstaking one, and only the most suitable oak will do. This is why you'll hear descriptions like "aged in barrels made from slow-growth American white oak from the northern slopes of Missouri's Mark Twain National Forest, cut, dried, and seasoned in the open air for 2 years before being fashioned into barrels." Distilleries are proud of this relationship, like a father who has just given a deserving suitor his daughter's hand in marriage. 

It's also no surprise - given the age of instant hook-up and gratification that we live in - that there are some people who try to ... advance the process. Laphroaig has an excellent expression called "Quarter Cask" that is a young Islay malt spirit aged in quarter-sized barrels to speed up the maturation (greater surface-area-to-whisky-volume ratio). Another pioneering distillery in New York (Tuthilltown Spirits) has taken the same angle (3-20 gallon barrels) but drills dimples into the cask staves to attain an even more complimentary ratio (many Scottish distilleries do cut small grooves into their staves to accomplish the same). Oh, and Tuthilltown also plays rap music on giant subwoofers in the warehouse every night to increase the vibration between wood and spirit - a process some call "rapturation." Romantic aria or brain-numbing club culture? You tell me. Or I can tell you when I purchase my first 375 ml bottle this afternoon. For what it's worth, Tuthilltown was named American Artisan Distillery of the Year by the American Distillers Institute. So this marriage is just different, maybe a bit unruly.

In most modern distillery culture, spirits and casks enjoy meaningful, fulfilling marriages; the offspring don't lie. But much in the same way that we've penetrated the mysteries of human sexual reproduction, we are now trying to penetrate the mysteries of maturation. Of matrimony. It's a process that's rooted in scientific curiosity but ends... who knows where. You have only to look at 10 year experiments being commissioned by Scottish distilleries to monitor every condition of maturation inside and outside the barrel to say confidently that technology is starting to peal back some of those mysteries. But at what cost? And will we ever be able to say with confidence that those mysteries will ever be fully bent under our command?

If a man can figure out how to create a 22 year old Scotch in 3 days, what will that process look like, and how will it change our perception of provenance? Can wisdom be attained without experience? Can love be truly committed without the passage of time? One distillery in Cleveland thinks that it can.

Pardon my English, but bullshit. That's not just me saying it, that's every critic who has tasted this product of what I would kindly call "stave rape" - the forced coupling of wood and spirit under temperature and pressure. That's not love, that's sexual abuse. Why would we even??

Oh, money.

I understand there is a large barrier to entry for new distilleries who have to lay down and age spirit for years before seeing cash flow (well, hey, there's always vodka and gin), but money is about the worst reason ever to abandon the beauty of craft, provenance, and terroir; what is this, a bride price? Time is what whisky is, even if some whiskies have only been married for 3 years. We can listen to Tom Petty all day long telling us that "the waiting is the hardest part", but the waiting is also what makes the whole damn thing worth it! It's lifting the veil with the valinch and nosing an aged spirit for the very first time. It's the tender consumation that occurs when that spirit first enters the palate. It's the Master Blender saying hello and goodbye to a spirit that he raised from the moment it exited the still's womb. Like it or not, we're starting to miss the marriage for the offspring, assuming that the denouement lies in production rather than what God has joined together.

In whisky we have a liquid that embodies the human condition, our desire to be loved and joined with another. However, that marvelous liquid can quickly give way to emptiness, greed, and detachment as easily as the culture that created it. Heed well then the ponderings of Samuel Clemens, for if the world loses touch with the divine mystery, then what have we really gained? And who, or what, is our new idol? 

2 Ways of Seeing a River

"Now when I had mastered the language of this water and had come to know every trifling feature that bordered the great river as familiarly as I knew the letters of the alphabet, I had made a valuable acquisition. But I had lost something, too. I had lost something which could never be restored to me while I lived. All the grace, the beauty, the poetry had gone out of the majestic river! I still keep in mind a certain wonderful sunset which I witnessed when steamboating was new to me. A broad expanse of the river was turned to blood; in the middle distance the red hue brightened into gold, through which a solitary log came floating, black and conspicuous; in one place a long, slanting mark lay sparkling upon the water; in another the surface was broken by boiling, tumbling rings, that were as many-tinted as an opal; where the ruddy flush was faintest, was a smooth spot that was covered with graceful circles and radiating lines, ever so delicately traced; the shore on our left was densely wooded, and the sombre shadow that fell from this forest was broken in one place by a long, ruffled trail that shone like silver; and high above the forest wall a clean-stemmed dead tree waved a single leafy bough that glowed like a flame in the unobstructed splendor that was flowing from the sun. There were graceful curves, reflected images, woody heights, soft distances; and over the whole scene, far and near, the dissolving lights drifted steadily, enriching it, every passing moment, with new marvels of coloring. I stood like one bewitched. I drank it in, in a speechless rapture. The world was new to me, and I had never seen anything like this at home.

"But as I have said, a day came when I began to cease from noting the glories and the charms which the moon and the sun and the twilight wrought upon the river's face; another day came when I ceased altogether to note them. Then, if that sunset scene had been repeated, I should have looked upon it without rapture, and should have commented upon it, inwardly, in this fashion: "This sun means that we are going to have wind tomorrow; that floating log means that the river is rising, small thanks to it; that slanting mark on the water refers to a bluff reef which is going to kill somebody's steamboat one of these nights, if it keeps on stretching out like that; those tumbling 'boils' show a dissolving bar and a changing channel there; the lines and circles in the slick water over yonder are a warning that that troublesome place is shoaling up dangerously; that silver streak in the shadow of the forest is the 'break' from a new snag, and he has located himself in the very best place he could have found to fish for steamboats; that tall dead tree, with a single living branch, is not going to last long, and then how is a body ever going to get through this blind place at night without the friendly old landmark?"

"No, the romance and the beauty were all gone from the river. All the value any feature of it had for me now was the amount of usefulness it could furnish toward compassing the safe piloting of a steamboat. Since those days, I have pitied doctors from my heart. What does the lovely flush in a beauty's cheek mean to a doctor but a "break" that ripples above some deadly disease? Are not all her visible charms sown thick with what are to him the signs and symbols of hidden decay? Does he ever see her beauty at all, or doesn't he simply view her professionally, and comment upon her unwholesome condition all to himself? And doesn't he sometimes wonder whether he has gained most or lost most by learning his trade?"

Here's the round-up from the web this week. Apart from THE FEATURE it's a bit shorter this time - largely because this weekend is AlchemyWife's birthday :-)

Whiskey Tech: The Blend-Your-Own Movement
This follows up on our article on Whisky Tech this week. Have you ever tried blending your own whisky? I tried it once with stuff from my cabinet, but the results were ... mixed (bwahahahah!) :-D There's nothing wrong with getting a little experimental in the kitchen, but if you do, maybe don't use your most expensive bottles. Or, try a home blending kit. Or...

... let Web 2.0 do it for you :-)  I think I'm so going to have to do this.

Here are two good people (recommended in order) that will blend and bottle whisky for you, all with the touch of a mouse (plus, you get your own customized label! - GlenHighley, here we come).

1. WhiskyBlender
2. Master of Malt

Scandal: Drink It or Sell it?
By now you've probably heard of the dude in Toronto who thieved a $26,000 (Canadian dollars?) bottle of whisky - Glenfiddich's 50 yo to be exact. I particularly liked the article's rather "nosy" description of the man: "[...] five-foot-ten, aged between 35 and 45 years old, clean shaven with black framed glasses. He was last seen wearing black jeans and a Burberry plaid shirt, with a finish that includes a jaunty brown hat and brown trenchcoat."

There are some immediate questions right off the bat: (1) How do you just take a $26,000 bottle out of a glass case? (2) Without help? (3) Or anyone noticing? (4) If you own a liquor store, how careful are you about which employee has the keys to the good stuff? I'm not implicating anyone, but where there's smoke there's fire. Every time I've ever wanted a spirit from a locked glass case the employee takes it up front for me. Just sayin' - something doesn't add up in this story.

In case you had doubts, prominent whisky journalists who've had a taste of this rare 'Fiddich testify that it is indeed delicious, and not over-oaked. Only 500 bottles of this oldie-but-goodie have ever been made (from 2 casks), and only 50 bottles are released each year. Which begs the question - do you drink it, or do you sell it? I would love to think that this guy just has a romantic interest in fine whisky and is right now enjoying one of the most marvelous drams to ever grace his palate. But odds are he's at least tempted to sell it (blasphemy!). Decisions, decisions. Of course, I know what I would do.

(Sell it and then buy all the oldest and rarest Bruichladdich I can find!) :-D

Okay, so we're not hating on Glenfiddich here. Remind me to talk about their superb Solera Vat expression after I make a trip out to Hillrock Estate Distillery in NY. May need to review those two products side by side.

Feature: New Releases and Whisky Culture
Talisker, not waiting for the ozone to settle from Storm (I'd link to the page, but Talisker's web presence is horrendous - enjoy Master of Malt!), has announced a new permanent addition to its lineup - the smoky, port-finished Port Ruighe (pronounced "Port Ree"). I penned some thoughts on the interaction of smoke and port pipes in my review of Bowmore's 1991 Port Matured Limited Release. I expect this one to be meaty, husky, and in all quite a degree spicier than Bowmore's concept (especially considering that the new make spirit was aged in deeply charred casks). I don't think fans of Skye's only distillery will complain.

On the other hand, it would seem The Glenlivet is on the verge of jumping the shark with the release of ALPHA. That's it - that's all you'll ever know about it (other than the color of the bottle - not the spirit, the bottle mind you) until 6 weeks after the release. I get it. They're channeling the mystique and announcement hype that Ardbeg is famous for hoarding, but seriously - good luck with that shit. It would usually be safer to assume that we can trust established distilleries with providing a spirit that will be worthy of fetching that premium price, but why would you want to? Have we not accepted - with only slightly hedged enthusiasm - the dawn of the NAS (No Age Statement) era? Is it not enough for us to be entertained by the Black Arts of the whisky world? Would you pay over $100 on a gamble verses a sure thing? I can think of 20 whiskies off the top of my head I'd pay that amount for right now, and I already know everything about them.

This all begs one more delicate observation. I'll preface it with a question: Why do you think the worldwide whisky revival happened?

If your answer is that we improved marketing and these things are cyclical you know and ooooOOOooo new sherry finish! then you really haven't been paying attention.

If your answer is that culture shifted to create this massive opportunity for growth, I'd say you were spot on.

20 years ago, if you asked someone what predominant age group would most enjoy a neat glass of Scotch (and not necessarily single malt) they would have probably guessed the 40-65 crowd. If you asked that same question now, your response would be dripping with cultural symbolism. Someone who enjoys power, or someone who appreciates the finer things in life, or someone who knows what they want and has arrived, or someone who understands that distillation is as much an art as it is a science. They don't care about age. WE don't care about age. What the 18 to 30-somethings in America care about is a story.

We're the Millenials and Generation X-ers. We're disillusioned, we're idealistic, we're spoiled, we're go-getters, we're contradictions. We rebel against the past (progress!) but we recall fondly the sunny days of our youth. We tell the government to take away our parents' wealth, but we want all the fine things that we've watched them enjoy for ourselves. We're a mess, but can you blame us?

We grew up using MS DOS prompt and playing 8-bit Reader Rabbit, and now we surf the web on tablets more advanced than anything Star Trek could come up with. Somewhere along the line the future happened and we didn't even notice. There's precedent for these sorts of socio-political shifts, but they have Weimar Republic overtones. We're all just struggling to understand our history before it's too late.

Hence the explosive growth of the "go back to nature using massively available information and affordable technology" movements. The paleo diet, minimalist footwear, locavorism, Under Armour "wicking" clothes, pop-up craft breweries, craft distilleries, "certified organic", health and wellness podcasts, YouTube cooking celebrities, you name it - we seem to share an idea that technology and progress are supposed to put us more in touch with the natural world, not less. We just want something that will slow us down and let us appreciate the time we have: something real, something tangible, something unique.

Whisky, especially single malt whisky, is the perfect expression of that something. Whisky is place. It is art. It is a spirit that has grown up as quickly (or as slowly) as we have. Each bottling has its own unique and marvelous story! If you're still reading this blog, odds are that you enjoy hearing and communicating little pieces of that story yourself. If you don't know the story, or if you down the dram and absolve yourself of any professional curiosity whatsoever, where's the fun anymore? Head the words of G.K. Chesterton:

“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable. Never drink when you are wretched without it, or you will be like the grey-faced gin-drinker in the slum; but drink when you would be happy without it, and you will be like the laughing peasant of Italy. Never drink because you need it, for this is rational drinking, and the way to death and hell. But drink because you do not need it, for this is irrational drinking, and the ancient health of the world.”

One More Thing
Even the term "dram" - which I'll be damned if that isn't communicable - is working its way deep into our socio-political consciousness. It isn't that I'm entirely opposed to the idea of quantifying pours through the concept of an established colloquialism. It's just that this should be seen - in all respects - as wholly unnecessary.

As the "Blend Your Own" movement starts to gain real momentum, helped by some solid Web 2.0 enhancements, it's useful to step back and ask if the whisky industry is doing enough to leverage the power of the internet in its many expressions (pun fully intended).

Recent forays into app offerings haven't been great. A quick browse through the N-dimensional space that we call "app stores" reveals a dozen or so firm options at "apping" your whisky enjoyment, all in various stages of what must be called prototype. This isn't a post reviewing those options one by one. Suffice to say that these tools either lean toward curated content (by industry professionals such as Jim Murray and his Whisky Bible) or crowd-sourcing (something like a half-fleshed Pinterest for people and their whisky collections / notes). This post is about the current drawbacks of our web-enabled tools and community, and where we could be if someone could just come up with the time and/or - ahem - capital.

I'm sure a lot of tech-trendy whisky connoisseurs rejoiced the day Jim Murray revealed his Whisky Bible app. After all, your options before that day were to either do all your research before you left for the liquor store, carry a book with you to the liquor store (I prefer Michael Jackson's Complete Guide to Single Malt Scotch, but only if Scotch is all you're going to buy - you see the dilemma), open a browser on your phone at the store and try to read trusted websites off that tiny screen, or put your trust in God and/or the salesman. For the sake of time, many of us went with the latter.

The world of whisky, especially single malts, is rapidly changing. Every year sees hundreds of new, rare, and exclusive releases. Who has the exposure to all of these spirits, especially if you're living overseas from the places they're being produced? Answer: people paid to write about them. Take a bow, Jim Murray, Mark Gillespie, and all the other bloggers who've struck gold (spirit) out there - you lucky bastards ;-)

With Jim Murray's app, you at least got to see somebody's opinion about the majority of spirits out there (trust me, I've found - or not found - plenty of missing ones). And that's what you want to know before you plunk down $100+ on these bottles, right? That one person bothered to pen if they even liked the thing or not? So with this app, now you can. As long as you accept that the load screen time will destroy your ability to quickly compare Jim's notes with online prices at leading internet retailers. And the fact that the app functions so slowly that you're worried it just started dramming your phone's 3G antenna. And the fact that it doesn't include cloud support for your wish lists or notes. And as long as you implicitly trust Jim Murray's nose and everything it tells you.

Hence the limitations of curated content. There is no current elite reviewer out there who has a publication that lists every single whisky available, or even close. I appreciate that they try, but one day you're going to say "hey, what's up with this Bowmore 1991 Port Matured Limited Edition?" and turn to the app and be disappointed. Digital publication doesn't have the cost burden that comes with updating a new print edition, so these issues can be quickly addressed, but the reviewer is only human (at least, as human as someone who gets to dram for a living can be). So how do we solve the problem of data gaps?

Some apps are turning to that wonderful Six Sigma speak: crowd sourcing! Let's take a look at some of the more popular and highly-rated offerings available on Apple's App Store:

I think we can allow ourselves to be a little sarcastic about these without sounding like a bunch of whining, entitled brats. After all, crowd sourcing does have its appeal. It's organic, it's grassroots, it's data that is usually owned and updated by people that have a passion for it (look at Wikipedia). While the idea of a Whiskey Wiki does sound cool, here are the reasons why start-ups and app developers will have problems:

1. Whiskey is a small world, in terms of people that write and talk and blog about it. What makes you think enough people want to write so much about it that you can turn this disheveled blogging/micro-blogging scene into something mass market oriented, coherent and captivating?
2. Even if you could, why would they choose your offering? After all, using no shortage of tools like Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Tactilize, Storify, and more there are already ways to share the data you want with a more built-in, dedicated user base. Shoot, this blog uses some of those very tools, and its precisely because I didn't want to create a new online "whiskey community" from scratch. 2 years ago, the Mashable buzzword was "engagement" - reaching out through every online outlet possible. Now it's about simplification and consolidation. The web never stops evolving.
   
3. The world of whiskey has unique (and frustrating) barriers to entry. It's expensive, it's mysterious, it's arcane, it is based on higher education (chemistry, biology, creative writing), and it's highly regulated. Besides, your key tech demographic - young people - is shrunken somewhat by the fact that people below drinking age (besides lacking the means or the persuasion to acquire expensive spirits) will just not see the appeal. Unless you really want to start that community for the dedicated connoisseur of PB&J vodka that is busily and secretly quaffing in his/her parents' basement.
4. The whiskey Web 2.0 world is currently (mostly) pioneered by dedicated amateurs and poorly-equipped professionals who just want to add something to the public discourse. Because we love it! Hey, we can't all be renaissance men like Cereal Alchemist and combine the disciplines of web-savvy correspondence, design, marketing, blistering elocution, unassailable opinion, and awesome. Half the time, we just don't have the means to optimize our products for the people we most want consuming them - and I'm not talking about the malt, which - in the hands of a wise man - should be left to speak for itself.
   

You think Google Plus is a ghost town? Just wait until the next app promising to be the social network for whisky lovers and their ideas / notes / shared experiences comes along. I'm bearish on this one, since nothing I've seen so far has reached anything near critical mass. I'd say big conglomerates or companies with interests like Diageo could leverage their market share towards such a goal, but where's the vision for a Whisky journalism app? An HTML5-enabled malt evangelism? A "Login with Facebook" network of enthusiasts? An app that gamifies collection? Maybe people don't want it. Or maybe the people that could provide it don't see a need. Shame.

What we need is a true whisky communicator. Not someone who speaks only to the converted, but who speaks to those who have yet to encounter our unique and potent brand of magic. In short, we need someone to step up and become the Penny Arcade of whiskey,  of all distilled spirits. Should it someday be Cereal Alchemist? I don't know - I'll admit its a dream, but right now I'm a one man, part-time content provider. By all means, hit me up if you've got ideas. For those with the wherewithal, the time is right, and the undercurrents are massive.